What makes us instantly like someone?

1 day ago

3 min read

Have you ever met someone and within ten minutes thought, I really like this person?

They might not have said anything particularly clever or funny. You just enjoyed talking to them.

I've always found this interesting, especially because we tend to associate being likeable with being outgoing, entertaining or charismatic. But some of the people who are easiest to connect with are actually quite quiet.

So what is it that makes us like someone?

There are obviously many factors involved, but I want to share three that I think are particularly important.

1. They take a genuine interest in you

You can usually tell when someone is actually curious about what you're saying. They ask questions because they want to know the answers, remember things you've told them and seem genuinely engaged in the conversation.

And it's so nice to feel that someone is interested in your thoughts and experiences.

2. They let you get to know them too

I've talked before about the importance of asking good questions, but there's a balance here. If you're only asking questions without sharing anything yourself, the conversation can start to feel like an interview.

Sharing your own opinions, experiences and not have to much of a filter gives the other person a chance to connect with you as well.

3. You feel comfortable being yourself

Think about the people you enjoy spending time with. Chances are, you don't feel particularly worried about saying something stupid around them.

They make you feel accepted, even when you have different opinions or say something a little awkward.

This is especially interesting when it comes to charisma.

A lot of people approach charisma as something they need to perform. They worry about their body language, what to say next or whether they're interesting enough. And while those skills absolutely matter, we sometimes forget what we're actually trying to achieve.

You want the other person to enjoy spending time with you.

If you tend to overthink social interactions or want to become more naturally confident and charismatic, this is something I work on in private coaching.

Love,

Anna

Nerd-word of the week

Fascinating psychological phenomenons for the extra interested

Reciprocity of liking

We tend to like people more when we believe they like us. Simply showing someone that you enjoy their company can make them feel more connected to you.

The Quicky Q&A

Got a question? Send in yours on socials and it'll pop up here

Q: How do I join a conversation when everyone already knows each other?

Listen for what they're talking about and find a natural moment to join in. Even something as simple as "Wait, what happened next?" can be enough. You don't need an impressive entrance to become part of a conversation.

What's hot this week?

A tip on something new from media, books, culture or podcasts

An oldy but a goldy - Brené Browns TED talk The Power Of Vulnerability. I remember how revolutionary this felt when I first saw it over a decade ago. Many have seen it or heard of it, but it's worth a rewatch for the beautiful reminder that we don't need to be perfect. <3