Why does disagreeing feel so uncomfortable?

2 days ago

2 min read

I've noticed something with clients who struggle to speak up. Most of them know exactly what they think. They just start doubting whether it's worth saying out loud.

What if the other person gets offended? What if they think I'm difficult? Is it really worth making things awkward?

And I think that's where the real problem often lies. You're not just trying to communicate your opinion. You're also trying to control how the other person reacts to it.

The thing is though, that you can't do both.

Sometimes speaking up means accepting that someone might disagree with you, feel disappointed or even get a little irritated. And learning to tolerate that discomfort is just as important as learning what to say.

But off course, HOW you communicate matters. One thing I often recommend is making your disagreement as specific as possible.

Instead of saying "I completely disagree", you could say "I agree with what we're trying to achieve, but I'm not convinced this is the best way to get there."

You're questioning an idea without dismissing the person behind it.

And perhaps most importantly, you don't need to wait until disagreeing feels comfortable to start doing it.

If you tend to avoid difficult conversations, agree when you don't really want to, or spend hours afterwards thinking about what you should have said, this is something we can work on together in coaching.

Love,

Anna

Nerd-word of the week

Fascinating psychological phenomenons for the extra interested

Pluralistic Ignorance

A psychological phenomenon where people privately disagree with something but assume everyone else agrees, so they stay silent. Imagine sitting in a meeting where everyone nods along with an idea you think is terrible. What you don't know is that several others are thinking exactly the same thing.

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Q: What do I do if I get a black out?

A: Under pressure, managing your emotions takes up mental space, making it harder to think clearly.

Quick tip: Give yourself a moment. "Let me think about that" is a perfectly good response.

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A tip on something new from media, books, culture or podcasts

Check out this amazing commercial by Heineken that shows how it's possible to listen, even to those we completely disagree with! Opinions are something we have, not something we are.