FROM MY NEWSLETTERS

Have you ever met someone and within ten minutes thought, I really like this person? They might not have said anything particularly clever or funny. You just enjoyed talking to them. I've always found this interesting, especially because we tend to associate being likeable with being outgoing, entertaining or charismatic. But some of the people who are easiest to connect with are actually quite quiet. So what is it that makes us like someone? There are obviously many fa

I've noticed something with clients who struggle to speak up. Most of them know exactly what they think. They just start doubting whether it's worth saying out loud. What if the other person gets offended? What if they think I'm difficult? Is it really worth making things awkward? And I think that's where the real problem often lies. You're not just trying to communicate your opinion. You're also trying to control how the other person reacts to it. The thing is though,

There's a psychological phenomenon I wish everyone who gets socially nervous knew about. It's called the spotlight effect. Basically, we tend to overestimate how much other people notice us. The strange thing is that it makes complete sense from inside our own head. You notice that your face feels warm. You notice the tiny stumble over a word. You know that you forgot someone's name for half a second. You remember exactly what you said at dinner three hours later. So it

I often meet people that want to appear more confident, but they can't relate to that "loud, dominant" persona. But you don't have to! You can be "soft", calm and kind, and still ooze tremendous confidence. Because it lies in the little things. Instead of changing your entire personality, just try these three simple things. 1. Stop weakening the sentence before you've even said it “I'm not sure, but maybe we could…” “This might be a stupid question…” “I don't know if th

Week 40 October 2nd Have you ever left a conversation that was completely fine, and then started analysing it afterwards? Why did I say it like that? Did she think that was weird? Did I talk to much? Please tell me it happens to you to! I know I work with communication, and yet I still do it. All. The. Time. The interesting thing is that replaying a conversation can feel productive. Like we're investigating what happened and getting closer to the truth. Usually we're not.